Tag Archives: death

A no spend birthday treat

Blog number two for my no spend, make do and mend year

 

31st December 2017.

I’m not going out tonight. My New Year’s Eve party invitations must have got lost in the post and I’m too excited about my London trip to care about the start of another New Year. It’s just the ticking of a time bomb after all. Although if I get one more flashing, round robin ‘happy new year, you are so special to me’ message in my messenger inbox from someone who hasn’t bothered to personally contact me in the last twelve months (or longer) I’m going to bloody scream!

My evening has been spent packing, I have been instructed that the clothes I wore to David’s 20th birthday back in November will be suitable, luckily they fold well. I have also tried to forego the necessity of spending money in the buffet car on the train by making ham and spiced apple chutney (my recipe) sandwiches and cooking up some frozen sausage rolls and cocktail sausages. The challenge may not have started properly, but I don’t need to waste money do I!

1st January 2018.

I’m on the train. London bound!

Sandwiches going down a treat, eldest son, Ben, is delicately snoring beside me catching up on the sleep he missed due to his rather excessively late night last night. He is obviously not as well organised as I am. So far, I haven’t spent a single penny, unless you count the diesel I used to drive us to the station. It being New Year’s day and the fact that my middle son, Michael, wouldn’t have slept off enough of his alcohol intake from last night to be able to get behind a steering wheel, I opted to drive into my place of work which is about a mile from the train station. Ben and I would walk from there. He was up for it as well, probably another reason why he is now snoring gently away – as I write, I have a lovely view of his lack of tonsils. I live in a tiny hamlet where there are no buses on bank holidays or Sundays (and the rest of the week can be a bit intermittent), the price of a taxi for the ten miles was just ridiculous. Still, look on the bright side, the exercise was good – if knackering, it is a really steep hill up to the station – and I got my 5,000 daily step target on my fitbit sorted before eleven am.

2nd January 2018.

I’m now 50 years old.

cake

I don’t feel it. I don’t know where all those years have gone. I am however, so thankful that I have made it to this lofty age with only minimal scrapes and bruises to show for it. Many of my school friends haven’t made it this far, and a lot of those who did are suffering and in pain. In my mind, it doesn’t matter who knows my age, it really is just a number and every one that I am lucky enough to be given is a bonus.

Philosophy over, I got presents!!! Best of all being tickets to go to The London Palladium to watch Dick Whittington tonight. It’s starring a whole gamut of stars, Julian Clary, Nigel Havers, Diversity, Elaine Paige, Gary Wilmot and Paul Zerdin are headlining and I am so excited. The last time I saw a London show was my first ever musical. It was ‘Annie’ in, I cannot remember which theatre, in the West End and it was a school trip when I was about fourteen. It was a reward for the school choir for learning the Faure Requiem in Latin. No, I can’t sing very well, but it was fun pretending, especially when with a load of others so my own voice couldn’t be heard. There’s probably some more philosophy hiding in there somewhere.

I also received a bottle of Moet Chandon, a silver bracelet, a few CD’s and some chocolates among a few other items but, what the hell…I’m going to the Panto at the London Palladium!!!

presents flat lay

Don’t think the no spend thing is going to work today, definitely a good idea to wait until I’m home.

5th January 2018.

I’m home. Dick Whittington was amazing, Julian Clary was hilarious, Nigel Havers was ridiculously funny, Gary Wilmot did the weirdest song about the London Underground ever and I will never know how he managed to learn it, Diversity were astounding and Elaine Paige has certainly not suffered any loss of voice as she has got older. She can still blow the roof off with those awesome pipes of hers. The costume budget must have been more than I get paid in at least a couple of years and the special effects? Mind-blowing.

London Palladium stage

I didn’t go overboard with the spending though. Mainly because it was my birthday and nobody would let me buy anything, which was unexpected but welcome. I had a cooked breakfast from a really nice café opposite Paddington station before boarding the train which meant I wasn’t hungry all the way back and I refrained from buying myself a coffee from the buffet car on the way home. I stuck to the bottle of water I bought on the way to the station so wasn’t I ultra good?

breakfast

 

Gold star to Anita please, I do like sparkly things.

 

Today is a happy day.

Anita. x

The Importance of ‘Stuff’

We are all surrounded by ‘Stuff.’ Stuff we think is important and that we cannot possibly live without. We spend our lives pushing ourselves forward in our acquisition of stuff. Stuff that we discard shortly after as we lust after bigger and better stuff. A bigger house in a better area, a posher car…or two, expensive holidays in the sun.

What do we do to get our stuff? We work…around the clock. We go to our offices/shops/factories. Make polite conversation with people whom, sometimes, we would rather not and stress over issues that are quite often taking far more brain power than they deserve.

With the recent London, Sweden and Syria atrocities I feel this has been brought even more to the fore. In London, a dedicated policeman was doing his job, laughing with tourists and having a selfie taken with them. Minutes later, in the call of duty and astonishing bravery, he was callously stabbed to death. A woman on her way to collect her children was mown down by a speeding car while another was thrown over the side of the bridge into the cold, unforgiving water below. I think that in their last moments, their possessions were the last things on their mind.

I have worked in the care sector for the last seventeen years and within that time I have been tasked with clearing out the rooms of those that have departed. There is little to compare with the sadness of that clearing process. The throwing away of a person’s treasured possessions because they mean nothing to those who are left behind. Clearing out my parents house was even harder. In the top drawer of my mother’s dressing table I found a cross stitched card that I had made her for Mother’s Day many years before. Inside i had written ‘Cheer’s Ma, I don’t know what I would do without you.’ If that didn’t hit me hard enough there was then one solitary, unlit cigarette. Her emergency stash that she kept just incase she needed to have a fag one day. It is testament to her strength that in five years of cancer treatment, she never smoked that cigarette. Finding it broke me.

So what have I taken from all of this? That the acquisition of stuff shouldn’t be the driving force of our life. It is the memories that matter most, the people that we choose to share our lives with and the little things they do that make us feel secure, loved and wanted. The random hug, the handmade gift, the memories they leave that last long after they have gone.

Carlyon Bay-29

I know it is a cliche, but hold onto those people and tell them you love them because, like those brave people on Westminster Bridge, you don’t know when you get up if you are going to get back into your own bed again tonight.

Most of all, make today a Happy Day.

Love, Anita. x

50 things to do before I hit 50!

May 31st 2016. 83 weeks to go.

intersting 2

With the realisation that my 50th birthday is only 83 weeks away, or 19 months, or 1 year and 7 months. Whichever way you look at it, it still sounds scary, I have decided to take this blog on a slightly different route. It is still about being happy, achieving positive results, but it is also about my own journey into my 50th decade by embarking on a 50 things to do before I’m 50 challenge.

I have numerous foibles and anxieties which I really should have grown out of by now and I think that by doing some of the challenges that I have set myself then I may, just a bit, take a step on the road of eradicating them.

I have set myself quite realistic goals taking into account that I do not have a bottomless pit of money – one does still have the mortgage to pay on just my wage at the end of the day – and I am the proud owner of a slightly dodgy back which rules out things like bungee jumping and skydiving. I would rather like to get to the age of 51 both walking and alive…

I have also based a few of them around some current life goals such as doing a Master’s degree (which won’t be completed by the time of my 50th birthday, but it will be started as I am enrolled on the Open University’s Masters in Creative Writing starting October 2016).

I am quite embarrassed to admit that although I live in the beautiful county of Cornwall, I have visited so little of the places beyond my local area. It is time to change this, St Michaels Mount is sitting quite high on my list of 10 places to go that I have never gone to before (number 3). It may be surprising to note that I have only put that I want to have a short story published? This would be because I have already had poetry published and I regularly have non-fiction in the form of theatre reviews placed into the public domain. Whilst it is always an ego boost to see them, it would be churlish of me to set a challenge for something I have already achieved…same goes for ‘have a tattoo…’

As for number 33….I have to put one totally unlikely thing to do in there don’t I? We all know that that one will never happen!

So, below is my list.

Some are already set in motion but none are achieved. If any of my friends or family wish to accompany me on any of them, then please get in touch. For my family? There may even be a few ideas for Christmas presents in here…you are always saying that I am a nightmare to buy something for….

  1. Make stuff from my fabric stash – use the good stuff!
  2. Go to the Zoo.
  3. Visit 10 places in Cornwall that I have never been to before.
  4. Finish writing one of the novels I have started.
  5. Do a Master’s degree.
  6. Take a holiday.
  7. Go to an opera.
  8. Catch up with old friends.
  9. Make 50 items for charity.
  10. Clear out the workshop.
  11. Drive somewhere far away – and don’t freak out!
  12. Go on a zipline.
  13. Do 50 random acts of kindness.
  14. Write down regrets – burn them.
  15. Try 50 new recipes.
  16. Have a picnic in the park.
  17. Go to a yoga or meditation class.
  18. Have professional photos done.
  19. Write my will.
  20. Have a professional massage.
  21. Do something I’m scared of.
  22. Go geocaching.
  23. Have a short story published.
  24. Be a tourist at home.
  25. Spend a day watching movies and eating my favourite foods – sod the diet!
  26. Have a caricature of myself done.
  27. Spend a day at the beach.
  28. Learn a musical instrument.
  29. Put together a family cookbook.
  30. Make and give out some happy pebbles to strangers.
  31. Take a boat ride.
  32. Write a gratitude list.
  33. Go on a date.
  34. Keep my blog up to date.
  35. Finish my UFP’s!
  36. Dress up for the day with no reason.
  37. Make a posh dress.
  38. Visit 5 childhood haunts.
  39. Go on a rollercoaster.
  40. Visit a museum.
  41. Visit an art gallery.
  42. Take a class in something new.
  43. Research family tree.
  44. Do something spontaneous.
  45. Go to a craft show.
  46. Go on a writing retreat.
  47. Go glamping.
  48. Eat something I’ve never tried before.
  49. Handwrite a letter to someone that is unexpected.
  50. Stop worrying about the future and live in the now.

And of course,

Most of all,

Be happy, today is always awesome. x

Facing our own mortality

prince-purple-rain

 

Today has seen the death of yet another Superstar music Icon. Prince was only 57 and as the news broke this afternoon I felt myself transported back to my teenage years of the 80’s, dancing to When Doves Cry, Raspberry Beret and, of course, Purple Rain in our own iconic beachside Discotheque ‘Gossips.’ However, he is not the only one to have passed away recently, yesterday we also lost Victoria Wood, a comedienne in an absolute league of her own and one who never failed to have you rolling in the aisles with her quirky music and unique, comedic take on the average human with their own quirks and foibles. More icons from my 80’s life that have also passed are Glenn Frey, Natalie Cole, Paul Daniels, Percy Sledge, Maurice White, Sir Terry Wogan and of course, David Bowie. In fact, I have just read a list of 35 celebrities of the stage and screen who have lost their lives in the first few months of this year.

I am struck with wondering just why does the news of their passing hit us so hard? After all, it is not as if we ever met them. It is not as if we ever will. They are never likely to sit at our dining tables, regaling us all with their tales of life on the road. They are never going to relieve you of your parental taxi duties so that you can relax in a nice warm bath with a chilled glass of Prosecco – yeah, i’ve no idea what that is like either – and they are never going to be there when you are down and need a hug. Or are they?

Don’t we always revert to somewhere we find comfort when we are feeling sad? When we need a hug and need to feel safe and secure? Don’t we look for the music of our youth, when life wasn’t complicated and when we were happy and free to do what we pleased? Isn’t it just those unreachable icons who sustained our youthful dreams and were always there for us when we needed them? They never told us off, they never screamed or shouted, slammed doors as they walked away. They were our saviours. And they were immortal. They didn’t die.

Also, they didn’t grow old. When did David Bowie get to be 69? There’s no way he’s 69 we all cried as his news broke. In our minds, he is still Ziggy Stardust, singing about floating around the sky in a tin can. And Paul Daniels? He was 77! We are all still angry at him shacking up with that starlet, hussy assistant of his, despite them being together with her never leaving his side and defying all of us doubters for the last 28 years. 28 years? No way! The thing we all find when we hear of any of our favourite, or not so favourite but equally as known, celebrities passing over is that it brings us up sharp to the realisation that if they can suddenly grow old and die, then so can we. Suddenly, we think back to those happy, carefree nights dancing to our heroes at the disco on the beach, the cold, rainy evenings watching sketch shows on tv and we realise that they were quite a long time ago. Our stars have moved on and if it can happen to them, it will also happen to us.

With that in mind we need to learn to let go more and enjoy the hand we are dealt. Nothing is given to us, all of it is worked for. Those celebrities didn’t just wake up one morning and miraculously find themselves as front page news with salaries to match. They saw an opportunity, worked to perfect their skills and fought their way to the top of their chosen profession. Ok, so Prince and David Bowie were born with those phenomenal voices, but they still had to work to get themselves into the position that the public could hear them. They still had to work to control those voices, learn how to pitch them so that they could alternately make us either soar to the highest plane or crash into floods of tears. We need to use our own gifts, hone and perfect them, take the criticism and shape our talents into a form that gives us pleasure. We need to stop living on planet dreamland and realise that we are only here for a finite amount of time and in that time we should be happy, with whatever it throws at us.

As Prince has told us:

I never meant to cause you any sorrow

I never meant to cause you any pain

I only wanted one time to see you laughing

I only want to see you laughing in the purple rain.

 

Today I am alive. Today I am grabbing my bucket list and delving inside to see what I can tick off.

Despite the sadness pouring from my Facebook page, that makes today an awesome day.

Make sure yours is too.

Anita.x